Etiquette in France: 5 Ways to Charm the French7/31/2021 30 Comments Planning a trip to France and worried that the French will be rude? Use these simple tricks and your manners will surely impress even the Parisians! Disclosure: some of the links below are affiliate links. If you purchase a linked item, I will make a commission, at no extra charge to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Updated July, 2021 Worried about failing your |
Before we left for France, I read as much as I possibly could about French etiquette, customs, and manners. During our stay, I was constantly and consistently impressed and awed by the kindness of the French. |
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I did not have a single negative experience and am anxiously awaiting our next French adventure!
So let's discuss my tips for French etiquette for tourists - and you'll charm the French in no time!
Easy Ways to Impress the French
Allez-y! Let's discuss some quick and easy ways to help you charm the French!
Etiquette in France:
What if I don't speak French?
I need to give one disclaimer, I do speak good (not fluent) French. The comments below will be helpful regardless of language!
The Eiffel Tower, Paris | That said, my Husband |
"Do you speak English?"
French shop (stock)
The French will often say they "do not speak English" when what they mean is that they "don't speak English fluently." I did run into this a few times, so I spoke French with them instead, and then they'd suddenlyspeak English with my husband. I do understand how they feel. I have found, however, that this cultural misunderstanding leads to offended English speakers, who feel they've been lied to. If you have ever tried a foreign language, you'll understand that the minute you say you "speak" that language, a native speaker starts prattling at you quickly, using jargon and slang, and you're immediately lost and feel silly and embarrassedif you can't keep up, having just said that you "do speak language x."
UPDATE: I received a comment from a foreigner living in France, shining some light on these issues. Shenoted that if a French person doesn't speak *excellent* English, they may try to avoid speaking English at all.This is not necessarily because they are rude, but because they feel embarrassed.Being able to speak English is a significant social class signifier in France, as English is used in international business and may be an indicator of the schools you attended, etc.
Etiquette in France:
Bonjour is the magic word
The French greet their co-workers,individually, each morning - and if someone comes in late, he has to circle through and run around greeting everyone. I originally learned of this in a lovely memoir,Finding Fontainebleau, which I read in preparation for the trip, and, I'll admit, I didn't full believe it.
However, I experienced itfirst thing upon arrival.We were waiting in a super long immigration line at 9 AM, when there was a change of border control agents. In the U.S., the new guard would have just walked up, tapped the person being relieved on the shoulder, and moved on. Not in France! As each new guard arrived, they all stood, greeted each other, and shook hands before changing guard (while hundreds of us waited patiently).
This was the most helpful thing I learned during my time preparing for our trip, and once I was actually in France. The French areextremely formal. And, there's a reason that the opening song inBeauty and the Beastis Belle saying "Bonjour" to her entire town. |
Les Invalides, Paris |
What does this mean for my time in France?
What that means for a tourist is greeting shop keepers, bar tenders, hostesses, front desk workers - each and every one of them, every single time. I found it slightly exhausting.
You walk into a shop? "Bonjour, Madame" to and from every worker you see in the stop, not just the "first one" or the "greeter." Ironically, to Americans, who are notorious for talking to strangers, this feels onerous, as we generally wait for attendants or staff to greet guests, and generally just say hi once, or if we make eye contact with a specific person in a shop. But this is not the case in France. Failing to greet someone automatically gets the interaction off on the wrong foot, and I've been told by multiple French people that this is part of the reason they often think tourists are rude.
If the marvelous accent of your "Bonjour" tricks the Frenchman into thinking you speak French and they start speaking in French, just respond, in French if you can: "Desolee, je ne parle pas francais. Parlez-vous anglais?" (Apologies for the lack of accent marks - that's a bit beyond the blog's capabilities, it seems). If you've expended all of your French at the Bonjour, just say in English, "I'm sorry, I don't speak French."
Update: I've recently learned that there's a great book about overcoming language and conversational issues in France! Check out The Bonjour Effect! And for more books about French culture, I've written a full post.
Bonjour!! (stock)
Notre-Dame, exterior
Etiquette in France:
Take your time over meals in France
It's common knowledge that the French do not rush through their meals. If they're having a sit-down lunch or dinner, multiple courses are a must. And you might as well do the same - both because you'll be on vacation and because it's a massive part of your enjoyment of your time in this amazing country. |
Who'd want to rush through this salad anyway? |
Unfortunately, a frequent point of misunderstanding between French and Americans is that the French waitstaff think you want to be left alone, and American guests, used to being rushed out of restaurants, think they're being ignored or mistreated.
Restaurant Etiquette in France
French restaurant. But don't ask for the menu in English ;) (stock)
I've collected some simple rules to restaurant etiquette in France. With a bit of effort, and the remembrance that you're on someone else's turff, I promise you'll improve your experience as a tourist in French restaurants.
French pastries (stock)
- French patrons do not want to rush or be rushed, and thus the waitstaff do not hurry to attend to to a diner's every need. Since patrons stay much longer at restaurants and often sit for a long period, the waitstaff have far more tables to monitor.
- If you need something, catch the waiter's eye like you would in the U.S., but also indicate politely that they should come over. Mere eye contact often will not draw them to the table as it would in the U.S. They will assume it is incidental.
- If you are sitting in a cafe, or even at a bar, and your drink it empty, they will not rush over and ask if you want another. You generally need to ask to order another drink. If you do not, they think you want to just sit at the table and chill, which, to the French,is perfectly reasonable.
- The waiterwill not bring the bill unless you specifically ask for it, but if it's a bar-type setting, they may leave a check on your table. They are not being rude - this is just how they remember whether you've paid. And, as we've discussed, they're not ignoring you - they think you want to be left alone. French waitstaff are paid a full wage, so they are not interested in "turning tables."
- At sit-down meals, even lunch, almost all French people will eat multiple courses. The waitstaff may react strangely if you eat just a main course and then leave. They'll ask if everything is OK, if you're sure you don't want more, etc.. If you are not interested in multiple courses, just smile and say yes everything is fine, but you're in a hurry- just so they know you aren't unhappy!This they understand.
- The French seenot having coffee after a meal (read: espresso) the way Americans would view someone eating a $5 appetizer salad without dressing and leaving. Not wrong, just bizarre behavior of an oddball that they're going to gossip about with their coworkers after their shift.
Appetizers (which the French call entrees) on the Rive Gauche
Etiquette in France:
Metro rules in France
Fin de siecle Metro sign (stock)
I've spent a fair amount of time on metros - both in the U.S. and abroad. The French are much more...deliberate(?) about their tube rides than anyone in the world.
Theyalwayssit on the Metro if they can, even if they are only going a few stops - and you should do the same. While for me personally, it might be more comfortable to stand for maybe 3 stops, they always sit if there is room and give you funny looks if you don't sit.
Don't sit in the fold-down seat if the carriage is crowded | The French always make it abundantlyclear that they are getting off at the next stops. People will get up and stand near the door far, far, far in advance of their stop. This is part of the reason that they sit - to make room for this exit procedure. Be sure to leave room for people to do this. |
This one is fairly straight-forward. Treat your time in France as though you're constantly in church (and, often times, you will be literally in church, so it's easy enough). Don't shout, don't yell across rooms, and speak abnormally quietly, even when you're just chatting amongst yourselves.
Most importantly: get up early for your departure - don't push people out of the way at the last minute, as they won't be expecting this and you might not be able to escape.
Etiquette in France:
Speak quietly
The French do not speak loudly and they will strongly resent if you do.
Sainte-Chapelle, Ile de la Cite
Etiquette in France:
Remember: you aren't at home
Take your cue from others and you'll have a better trip! If you as the French are doing, you'll feel more comfortable and maybe even learn a few things!
Enjoy the French food, drink their coffee, and don't forget to say "bonjour!" You'll be happy you did.
Thanks for stopping by!
Cheers to Paris! (s)
For more tips and tricks on a trip to Paris, we foundRick Steves' most recent Paris bookto be a lifesaver. And don't forget to sign-up for the blog newsletter for travel tips, straight to your inbox!
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30 Comments
12/19/2018 04:14:08 pm
We've never found the French to be rude. I think it's more that the guests in their country come across abrasive, assumptive and rude and they react accordingly. As you say, a Bonjour and a smile goes a long way.
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
12/20/2018 07:40:21 am
Completely agree - I'd probably be a bit rude, too, if people shouted at me in foreign languages they expected me to understand! I saw a woman basically scream at a coffee shop asking if they had "American coffee" and I backed away slowly, practicing my faux Canadian accent (but the man handled it very kindly) :-)
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Agathe
2/8/2019 01:26:21 pm
Bonjour ! (Yes, even in the posts!)
I’m french, parisien, and I found your post on Pinterest : I was so curious to read it... and I must say this is so true ! You have just described how we act in general.
The mAin problem you may encounter while in Paris is that most of the french people just can’t speak english (or nearly can’t) !
So Happy to read we are not rude actually !
Thanks ;)
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
2/9/2019 07:58:14 am
Un grande merci a vous!! I can't wait until the next time I'm able to visit your lovely country! xx
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Joanna
5/29/2022 04:08:49 pm
We had a lovely time in France! Not one person was rude to us. The line in this article “pretend you’re in church” made me laugh, maybe that’s why everyone treated my husband and me so well, we were raised in church and know how to dress nicely, speak quietly, and greet people. 😉
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Kate
12/30/2022 01:03:18 pm
Bonjour! Good to hear from a Parisian, i was always afraid to travel to this beautiful country, yet since I had heard that they are rude and other tourists’s opinion was the culprit. I am glad to read this blog and also the confirmation of a Parisian makes me more comfortable now. I speak somewhat French, yet I was afraid they will be disappointed in my French after I can pronounce so good but can’t speak it well enough and be rude to me.
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Sky Kerslake
2/9/2019 11:41:26 pm
I agree with everything you have written. All good tips.
I would add that in a restaurant, if you have your menu open (ready to indicate your choice) the waiter will not approach. You close your menu to let him/her know that you have decided, and then you can open it again when speaking to the waiter.
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
2/19/2019 08:09:36 pm
An excellent tip!! I completely agree - even in the U.S. that happens to me occasionally! Thanks for stopping by! xx
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Carrie
5/1/2019 09:21:28 pm
Thank you for your post! I am getting ready for my second trip to Paris with my daughters this time. I went as a college student 25 years ago and also found that by attempting even poor French I was able to receive smiles from the Parisians if for no other reason then pure amusem*nt! I try to think of how I treat visitors that don’t speak English here!
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
5/4/2019 09:03:52 am
Completely agree! Hope you have a wonderful trip!! Bon voyage! x
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Elena
7/14/2019 08:53:23 pm
First--that navy blue scarf with the red top is lovely.
Secondly--It is so important to remember when traveling that you are a guest in someone's home, and act accordingly. I think people forget that. This was a very helpful post.
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
7/15/2019 09:30:31 am
Thank you so much!! And I so agree - for whatever reason, I find that tourists increasingly expect countries to conform to them, rather than the other way around. No matter what happens, if we're all just generally nice and respectful, people are fairly accommodating :) xx
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Martie R
7/29/2019 05:16:19 pm
Hahaha! Great post. Was nervous about our trip to France in a few weeks, but it sounds like they are the same as Afrikaans people from small towns in South Africa... We do about 4/5 things on this list. We don't sit in the Gautrain unless all the elderly (anyone slightly older than you counts) and woman with children have been seated. If there are seats open we wil sit, but we get up ahead of stops and wait... Standing and it's not your stop - move away to make room for those who would like to get ready to depart. We also get offended if people don't greet us nicely because we feel we like we did something wrong to deserve it. Always ask random strangers how they are and do the dance up until I'm fine as well thanks, and then a great big smile and heartfelt goodbye and have a nice day when you go away. Well not random, waiters, tellers, gas station employees, car guards, people behind or in front of you in a line when waiting for a long period of time. Strike up a short conversation and have a laugh and there we go. The majority of South Africans are like this though... Don't think we will make it in America haaaahaha! Most encounters we have with Americans are strange... Believe it or not, ask Ripley, we have been asked many times if we live with roaming lions, and why some of us are white. There are no lions unless you are at certain nature reserves or national parks or the zoo... or maybe once in a blue moon on a farm bordering one of the mentioned parks where they are caught and taken back to the park they came from.
Back to the matter at hand, thanks for the great post! Loved it! Or shall I say Merci boucoup et bonne nuite, madamoiselle. (Yes, bedtime over here).
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Pints, Pounds and Patelink
8/6/2019 03:19:46 pm
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment! So glad you enjoyed the article - and enjoy your trip! xx
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Molly S.
8/5/2019 06:51:28 pm
I found all of this to be very true. I visited Paris as a child, and I remember the people being very kind. One couple even invited my parents and I into their home. They were so hospitable and warm.
We did have one or two not-ideal experiences, but you get that in any large city. I think many Americans who think the French are rude don't consider that they may in fact be the ones who are rude.
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
8/6/2019 03:20:38 pm
Thanks so much for stopping by! I completely agree - hopefully I can convince a few people to change haha fingers crossed!! xx
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Lyn Adams
8/11/2019 07:20:54 pm
This is good information. We were polite to everyone using my extremely limited French. The only person who was rude was a Metro attendant, and it appeared she hated everyone, not Americans specifically. 😀
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
8/13/2019 07:20:16 am
hahah fair enough!! Glad you had a good experience! xx
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Kathy J
8/14/2019 03:12:40 am
Very helpful article. Im wondering if it's polite to say Bonjour when leaving a boutique or cafe if near/ making eye contact? ......or is that unnecessary. I'll be in Paris soon!
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
8/16/2019 05:40:16 pm
Hi Kathy - thanks for stopping by! If you're leaving somewhere, like a shop, I would say "au revoir" (which means goodbye). They're more so into saying "bonjour" when coming in and out of places where you're going to eat/drink/shop/stay/work/explore, as opposed to just if you are close to someone, or someone in close proximity to you. I live in the Midwestern US and we say hi to everyone, for example if we're sat really close to another couple at a table in a restaurant - this is definitely not the case in Paris. Just when you're going into a shop with the employees. Have a great trip!!
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christina
8/18/2019 10:38:40 am
nice ideas - as a foreigner living in paris - i would say that you should add that french often are seen as rude simply as they do not speak english well. i always warn people when they are visiting to be very aware that the french have the lowest english proficiency in europe - thus, if you ask for help or expect people to just understand you, they will often be ashamed by their level of english. speaking english says a lot about your social class here (ie. what school you attended, how much you have traveled, if you work for an international company, etc). it is simply embarrassing to them if they cannot speak or understand you and will prefer to ignore you as then they will not have to display their lack of english. i find that once visitors are aware of this, they have a new perspective and enjoy themselves much, much more.
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
8/20/2019 08:20:32 am
Christina - Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment and input! I'm going to work it into the post! :) xx
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Jennifer
8/19/2019 09:54:35 am
Two of my friends and I are planning a trip to Paris and I’m a little worried about us. We always have fun. We laugh a lot and we laugh hard. Will that come off as rude?
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Pints, Pounds, and Patelink
8/20/2019 08:26:39 am
Hi Jennifer - thank you for your comment :) It made my day! I wouldn't be too self-conscious, but I would make an effort to tone it down just a bit, at least at indoor restaurants, as I would suspect people might stare at a large amount of laughter in a relatively quiet place. They just aren't as boisterous :) haha or try to sit outside, if you can! You should have nice weather!
Congrats on your upcoming trip - I hope you all have a marvelous time!
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Jennifer
8/20/2019 11:04:35 pm
Thanks for the advice! I’ll make sure we tone it down. ;)
Leslie
8/15/2023 01:40:47 pm
As a french and Parisian (so excuse my approximative english), it was so nice to read that ! Make me laugh a lot 😂 I hope you and the world can visit other city in France, because Paris is really cool but we have so much : Toulouse (Capitole place...), Pays Basque (Saint Jean de Luz...), soooo much castles (Gers, Dordogne...) please feel free to ask if you want more details ! And as we say in France, "on s'appelle, on se fait une bouffe ?" and I don't know how to translate this ahahaha
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These are all very useful tips. When I was taking high school juniors and seniors on trips to France, I always had a pre-trip meeting to teach them etiquette for the visit. Saying Bonjour just can't be emphasized enough!! One more Idea I might add is to ASK politely for your food/beverage order instead of just stating what you want as is the habit for Americans - i.e."May I have the steak & frites, sil vous plait" VS "I'll have the steak & frites"
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Lynn
3/22/2024 12:12:40 pm
Thank you for the great post! My husband and I will be visiting Paris for 3 days at the end of October, prior to our river cruise. My issue is with eating. I cannot eat lots of rich food, nor can I consume lots of wine/coffee, especially not espresso. I'm concerned about finding eateries with small portions without out seemingly being rude or "American". Any suggestions to navigate these situations?
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link
3/24/2024 01:13:02 pm
Hi Lynn - I hope you have a wonderful trip! I wouldn't be too concerned. I am sure you'll be able to find plenty of delicious options for you! French food portions are far smaller than ours, so that likely won't be an issue. They won't be offended if you don't drink wine or espresso - they just may offer multiple times or look confused, like we might if a diner turned down all beverages, including tap water. Don't worry - it's about how you handle it. If you're putting thought into it, then you're already very far ahead of the game, I promise.
A few thoughts: wine comes in sizes in France, so you can get a "small" if you want some (it'll be on the menu). For espresso at the end of a meal, you can just say no thanks, or if you feel uncomfortable, that you're running late for your next event. No one will say anything.
Bon voyage!!
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